


To The Dark Side and Back (A Kylo Ren Fanfic)

by Madamrussia13



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ben is a meanie, Crushing hearts, Death, F/M, Orphans, maybe smut?, rekindling love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-16 07:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5819578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madamrussia13/pseuds/Madamrussia13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marida Tooback is just a girl that's been though so much that finding Luke was her one way out from the pain, but even he leaves her, and she becomes alone again. Alone, only to be thrown into slavery, then to become a force welding bounty hunter, and then a powerful Sith. With a slice of revenge cake waiting for Kylo Ren.<br/>What could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Into the Fire

My life wasn’t so bad, really. It just had some major bumps that made me the lovely woman I am today. It all started with my parents, the Tooback's. Both were born on the planet Hoth and so was I, I'm Marida by the way, but in my first year of life, they decided a hotter climate would do me good and since they’d never stepped foot off their Homeworld, you'd think leaving would be a nice change of pace, right? Wrong. The matter of the fact is, once someone from Hoth steps onto a hot planet, like Tatooine, they can't cope with the intense change and die. So I was left alone with some village chief for a time, until I met Luke Skywalker. I'd been spying on him when he asked the chief for a room to rest in but he saw me and called me in.  
He said he was just looking about his old roots but with some persuasive doll eyes, he told me the real reason he was there. "I'm trying to find a specific person who has incredible powers. Like myself, here, watch." He said, proceeding to lift a cup, without putting a hand on it. I was in awe of this man. In fact, I was so excited, that I caused the cup to explode. This is how I learned that I was ‘Force Sensitive’ or as Luke put it, ‘I had the makings of a wonderful Jedi.’ So he took me with him.  
He took no more students after finding me, so it was just him and I for a time, at least up until I was thirteen years old. That’s when his sister’s son, Ben, came to train under Luke. Ben was an, interesting fourteen year old. I remember meeting him very vividly. Luke and I were on a distant water planet, waiting for his arrival. I was practically bouncing off the wall to meet someone else around my age and maybe meet my first friend. "Do I look presentable Master Skywalker?" I asked, looking at myself in the clear river water near the landing point. "You look fine Mari." He laughed.  
"Oh right. Sorry. I'm just so giddy to meet someone new, sir." I grind ear to ear. "I'm sure you are. Oh, look, that's the Millennium Falcon!" Luke say, pointing to the sky. "You'll be able to meet my sister, Leia and my friend, Han. And remember, they don't bite. So say hi and be nice." He gave a small smile as the large ship landed on the vast patch of grass in front of us.  
“Han!” Luke says, hugging the man that is the first to exit. Following him was a woman with two large buns covering her ears, if she had any, and behind her is a boy with short black hair and a scowl covering his attractive face. “Leia, it’s so good to see you too.” Luke glances at me “Oh, how rude of me. Please meet Marida, my student.” I hesitantly step forward to join the group. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all.” I say, clasping my hands at my front and bowing slightly. The boy scoffed. “You said nothing about their being a girl here.” He said, crossing his arms.  
"Yes, well, Marida was an unexpected surprise for me as well, but you get used to her." Luke ruffled my hair. 'So she's like a pet?' I could hear Ben think. "I am no one's pet." I glared the tall boy down. He seemed shocked but that shock turned to another scowl almost instantly. I turned to Luke, who was completely ignoring the intense battle that was raging between Ben and I. "Master, I feel like I need to train some more, may I?" I asked. "Yes, and take Ben with you, show him around the island." I clutched my hands into fists but nodded. Ben, with a push from his mother, followed me towards our camp. "Those are the quarters, and that's the bathroom and there's the showers, and this," I stepped onto a large stoned circle that was imbedded into the ground. "This is the arena." I smile, remembering all the times I'd fought in that ring. "Now, any questions?" I turn back to face Ben, who seems to be concentrating hard on something.  
"How did you do that?" He asked, looking me up and down. “Do what?” I asked, giving him the same curious look. “How did you know that I called you a pet. I know I didn’t say it out loud, so how did you know.” I try to hold back my smirk. “You really don’t know much about the Force, do you, Ben?” I said, placing my hands on my hips. “With the force, you’re able to look into someone and their memories.”  
“Um, but I was thinking. How can you know what I was thinking?” I rolled my eyes at him. “You thought it, and then it became a memory, meaning I could access it. Now,” I extend my hand out to him. “If I wanted I could go deeper.” I look into his dark eyes and push through his weak barriers. “And see your past. Can you feel my presence, in you mind?” I asked as he visibly gulped and nodded. I pulled back and finally let me smirk losse. “Maybe, if you’d like, I can teach you how to do that. Though, you’ll have to promise to not go into the private stuff, right?” I put my hand out for him to shake but he hesitates. “How do I know I can trust you?” He asked. “Because you have to. We’ll be training together after all.” This didn’t totally reassure him, but it at least relieved him enough to shake my hand.  
“Good, we’re in agreement. Now pick up a sword.” I said, pointing to the long sticks that were off to the side of the arena. He did as he was told and joined me back on the stone circle. “You might not know this, but we Jedi have a specific way of fighting.” I explained. “So why don’t you come at me and I’ll show you some of the ways to defend and then go into an attack.” He nods and lifts his sword. He lunges towards me and I block his powerless strike with ease and tap his head with the sword. “Oh, come on, there was no power behind that. You must be joking me.” He huffed and tried to strike me again, but I blocked and tapped his shoulder. "Are you going easy on me cause I'm a girl?" I taunted him and his face went a shade of red that I'd hardly seen on a person.  
Ben cried out in anger and went for a thrash to my side but he stopped an inch away. "Ben!" Luke's voice broke through the thick, awkward air. The force holding Ben back, released him as Luke came to stand by me. "A Jedi never raises a hand in anger, nor raises an angered hand to a lady." I giggled, looking down at the heavily breathing boy. "Jedi also do not tease or cause mischief to one another." I shut my mouth and blushed. Luke sighed. "We should head to the dining hall. Your parents are waiting to say goodbye." Ben nodded as Luke lead us towards the hall. Both of us on either side of Luke. "Hey." I whispered harshly towards Ben. "I'm really sorry about what happened." I said. He glared at me and continued to walk. I lowered my head. Perhaps I went to far in my teasing. It's not like you could blame me for it, I'd never known anyone my age before. And Luke's never complained about my antics before, so this made me very curious.

Once Ben’s parents left, Luke said he needed to meditate, leaving Ben and I to ‘get better acquainted’ as Luke put it. “Don’t hurt each other, I’ll be back.” He said, walking up the large, stone steps leading to his ‘quiet place.’ Ben and I sat across from each other in silence for a time. I just took in his features for most of that time. He was pale, sharp jawed, and his dark eye were peircing. ‘What does he think about me?’ I wondered, slowly, and subtly, slipping into his thoughts. ‘Why is she staring at me like that?’ He sounded confused, but not angry. ‘Why does my face feel so hot?’ I try hard not to giggle. Time for some thought implantment. I slipped a thought of me into his mind and he visibly gulped. From the thought I gave him, his mind wandered to the fact that I was leaning forward. ‘Oh my-I can almost see her-’ That when I pulled back as a blush pushed to cover my face.

“Ben.” I look away from his smoldering eyes, leaving me to wonder where his thoughts went to after I’d left his mind. Nevertheless, the smolder stayed, even as he cleared his throat. “Yes?” His voice was a little horse, but it didn’t faze me. I shook my head. “Never mind.” I said with a sigh. “It’s getting late. The moon will be up soon. Goodnight.” I give him a slight smile and start to make my way to my measly excuse for a room. It was just a small, two room flat that was imbedded into the soft rock. The small, wooden door at the front was my only defence against an intruder. Well, that and the skylight I’d made as an escape route and as a way to look at the stars at night.

“Goodnight world.” I muttered as I crawled into bed. I feel asleep quickly but the sun came back up too fast. “Good morning world.” My groggy voice seems to echo in the small room. Pulling on a shirt and pants, I pull my hair back and head out to the kitchen to make my own breakfast. Some eggs with a glass of water doesn’t seem like a good breakfast, but that’s all we really had on the island. No really animals lived here, so we just had a bird that gave us eggs.

“Marida?” Ben’s voice nearly made me jump out of my skin as he knocked on my door. “Mm-Yes?” I choke out. “Luke says he’ll be gone all day, so I thought we’d start practicing that mind thing you were doing earlier.” He called from behind my door. “Al-Alright. Come in.” I tried to steady my shaky voice as Ben entered and sat on a small stool that was near the table but not at the table. “Um, okay, well, you can start by clearing your mind.” I said, scooting closer to him, stopping when I saw his muscles tense up. “I want you to solely focus on penetrating my thoughts.” Ben gave me a disgusted look. “Ew, don’t say it like that!” I tilted my head to the side. “Like what?” His eyes widened. “You mean you’ve never had-” He cut himself off by clamping his hand over his mouth. “Had the what?” I was curious but also, I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Ben leaned in and whispered, “The talk.” I gave a short gasp. “What talk? I talk to Luke all the time and I’m talking to you right now. What’s so different about this other kind of talk you speak of?” Ben started to smirk. “The talk about the TIE fighters and the X-Wings. You mean to say that Luke never told you?” I raised an eyebrow. “I know what a TIE fight and an X-Wing is, but I don’t see what spaceships have to do with our conversation.” He thwaped his palm on his forehead and leaned back. “He really didn’t tell you, oh my Jedi, you really have no idea what-” I slammed my hand on the table. “Stop dodging the question and tell me already!” I whined. “Okay, well, how do I say this gently.”

“You don’t have to say it gently, I’m thirteen ya know.” I narrow my eyes and a distinct blush dust over Ben’s cheeks. “Stop saying things like that!” He huffed. “Would you just tell me already?” I asked. He huffed again as he crossed his arms. “Fine, um, a guy has a lightsaber between his legs and I girl has the lightsaber holder between her legs. And when they put the two together, the make a baby, or they can, sometimes, it the lightsaber is covered, they won’t make a baby. Does that make sense?” I blink as I look down at my legs and my cheeks feel a little hot. “You mean,” I pause and lean in to whisper, “sex?”

Ben seemed flabbergasted. “You know what that is but you’ve never had the talk?!” I shook my head. “I only know about that because when I couldn’t control my mind powers I looked into this guys head, on accident, and saw things.” I blushed hard. “So it’s not like I know everything.” I fidgeted in my seat as a silence came over us and, while not meaning to, I looked into Ben to see just what he thought of me. ‘What am I going to do with this girl? How do I explain, well, anything with her?’ I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Ben. Let’s just get your training started.” Ben nodded and we started his mind training.

As years passed, Ben and I grew closer as friends. So close that we didn’t even need to read each other’s minds to know what the other was thinking.

“Ben? What’s the galaxy like?” I asked, looking at the darkening, blue sky. “You’ve never seen anything?” He asked turning to look at me. “Nope. I’ve never seen a thing of it. When I left Tatooine, Luke and I were in the back of a cargo hold, so I didn’t see anything but dumb boxes filled with who knows what.” Ben huffed. “Well, it’s not much different from what you’re looking at now.” The disdain in his was very emanate in each word he spoke. “Just a bunch of stars and a planet or two. It’s get’s boring after a while.”

“Hmm, I suppose everything becomes dull after a while.” I turned to look him, only to find him looking at me. “You’re never dull to me, Mari.” His hand slid over mine and my face lit up with a Sith red color. “Mari, how old are you?” He asked, slightly gripping my hand. “I-I’m seventeen.” I stutter out. “Have you ever kissed a boy in all that time?” He looked directly into my eyes, and it was almost like he was pleading with me. I knew it was wrong, and that I shouldn’t go in for a kiss, but he was just so tempting, and his lips looked so soft. So, without giving him an answer, I kissed him.

Sadly, that kiss didn’t lead to anymore. On a sunny day, Ben tried to kill me during our lightsaber training. Luke calmed him, but the next morning... I awoke to the smell of smoke and the sight of flames. I screamed for help as I ran to Luke’s dwelling, but I was stopped by the sight of a man in black, his mask covered his face. I was frozen with fear, I was surprised I could even speak. “Wh-Who are you?” I stuttered. His voice was masked in a way that sent a chill down my spine. “I am Kylo Ren. Destroyer of worlds and conquer of anything I want.” There was a pause. “And the killer of your beloved Ben Solo.” It was eight simple words, but they nearing sent me to my knees. “No. You’re lying. You lie!” Tears spilled from my eyes at a drastic rate. “It’s true he’s gone and Luke Skywalker will soon join him.” Without thinking, I ran at him but with a simple wave of his hand, I was knocked out. He never even touched me.


	2. More Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I speed through explanations and our heroine reunites with Kylo... Oh Joy!

When I woke up, I was alone. Luke had fled somewhere and had sent me back to Tatooine for my ‘betrayal to the Jedi code’ and yet he left me with a strange stone of a orange color.  
The burning sand on my back stung immensely but the pain was nothing like the pain I’d felt in my heart. I traveled for days like a hollow, moving shell of a woman. Even when I was captured and sold into slavery, it didn’t fazes me. I wasn’t touched much, I was just a doll that was dressed up and sat on a pedestal for days on end. If I was touched, it was, of course, inappropriate, but nothing more than that.  
I never fought back, never talked, I never even looked at anyone unless they forced me to. That is, until I hear that name. “I heard that Kylo Ren destroyed another village again.” That caught my full attention. “Yeah, I heard that to. He’ll be coming to our system some time soon, I heard.” That really caught my full attention. Before I knew it, I was across the room, gripping the aliens shirt. “You will tell me where this Kylo Ren is this minute.” I hiss out. Lucky for me, I’d been still for so long that they never thought to chain me up, other than a rust neck brace that broke easily. “Not a chance you slave.” The alien hissed back. In seconds I had his blaster in my hand and it was pointed at his dumb head. “You will tell me. Now.” His eyes widened as I placed my hand on the trigger. “Alright! Alright! I don’t know where he is, but if you find a ship, you’ll bump into him in no time.”  
“Good to know.” I couldn’t help but smile as I blew the head off the alien, imagining it was Kylo Ren’s. It made me feel alive again. “Everyone out! Before I blow another hole into one of your heads!” I yelled out, giving a warning shot into the ceiling. That seemed to make a good impression. After everyone had left, or hid, I changed into better clothes, being a red shirt, black slacks, and some brown boots. Stealing some brown gloves and a cloak from the back, I made my exit and out into the sandy plane. After hijacking a lovely ship that reminded me of the Millennium Falcon, only less shiney, and had a speeder bike in the back compartment.  
“Lovely.” I sighed, trying to start the vessel. “Up we go! Come on!” I yelled at the control panel. I gave it a good hit and it suddenly rose into the air. I cheered in delight. “Next stop, killing Kylo Ren!” I laughed, soaring out of the Tatooine atmosphere. Of course, again, my happiness was outlived. Days went by without finding any sign of Kylo Ren or the First Order. Palming the strange stone Luke had left me with, I thought about the hunger in my stomach. “I never thought I’d say that I missed those dumb eggs.” I muttered. It was also, in times like this, than my mind would shift towards things like taking up a job as a bounty hunter and… Ben.  
My hand shook with anger at the thought of what Kylo Ren had done to him, considering that I’d never seen the body. Looking down at my stone, my eyes widened as it began to glow. A beam of solid, orange light came from it and I nearly dropped it. “Okay, this is weird.” I muttered, placing it just so, allowing me to turn the ship so the light was pointing straight. “Luke, what have you gotten me into?” I whisper as I follow the light like a compass.  
Luckily, I didn’t run into any bumps as a large, jungle-like planet came into view. “Is that-” I cut myself off as a crumbling temple caught my eye. “A Jedi temple!” I couldn’t hold in my delight as I landed my ship. I practically sprinted inside the imperfect structure. “Oh wow!” I gasped, looking at the crumbing decor. “Marida~” A voice called out to me. I turned to see a solid brick of a golden-copper color. “Marida~” The voice was louder this time. I stepped hesitantly towards the strange metal. As my fingers brushed it, I was flooded with a strange feeling as the voice screamed, “Marida!” I fell to my knees, my head hitting the ground. When I look up again I was no longer in the old temple, I was on an island, much like the one I was on with Luke, and the soft, warm grass caressed my back. “Marida? What are you doing?” I turned to see Ben, standing above me, a wide smile on his face. “Ben!” I cried out, gripping him in a tight hug. “I thought you were gone forever!” He hushed me as I let tears fall down my face. “Shh, don’t worry.” I gasped as I felt something sharp go through my abdomen. “It’ll all be over soon.” That voice. My eyes widened as I looked at the face of Ben’s killer, Kylo Ren, a red lightsaber piercing though my stomach.  
“No. No!” I scream, falling back onto me back, scrunching my eyes close, and breathing heavy. “Marida. Save Ben you must.” Consciously I opened my eyes to see the one and only, Yoda. I’d only heard stories about him from Luke, but with that strange speech and green skin, it couldn’t have been any other being. “M-Master Yoda?” I stuttered out. “Create your saber from this, and save Ben. Like Luke saved his father.” The solid brick floated over to me and fell into my lap. “Strong you are. Come back to the Light, anyone can.” I sighed. “Ben’s dead Master. How can I save a dead man?” Yoda smiled. “See you will. Find Kylo Ren you must. Now go. Create your lightsaber. Save Ben.” Before I could ask anything else, he was gone and I was left alone again.  
“Is this a joke?” I sigh, getting to my feet. “Save a dead man and bring a killer back to the Light. Great and I also, just so happen to have to make my own hilt for a lightsaber. Lovely stuff, truly.” I stomped over to a flatted from and took out a small welding tool I carried with me. Grumbling the whole time I whittled the hilt to meet my Left handed needs. After about SIX HOURS of whittling away at the stone, I finally got a smooth, highly decorated, hilt. “Final touch.” I said, shoving the stone into the hilt. I pulled my hand away quickly as a bright orange light emerged from the hilt. “Great. Luke finds me to be a mischievous Light side kinda gal.” I tuned the lightsaber off and rubbing my hand over the small flower indentation I’d made around the ‘on’ switch. “Well, he’s not entirely wrong.” I give a dry laugh as I make my leave from the temple. “Goodbye Yoda!” I shought before boarding my ship.  
“Raider? Raider?! You there?” My radio basted with a familiar voice. “Yeah Max? Whaddya want?” I say into the mouthpiece. “I’ve got a job for ya. Ya interested?” I sighed, contemplating weather or not this job was worth it, but, one last job couldn’t hurt right? “Go ahead Max, tell me whatchya got.”  
“There’s a hijacked Sith vessel coming your way, catch it and the hijacker, and the First Order will pay big bucks for it.” I smirked. “Perfect. Thanks Max.”  
“No problem Raider.” The line died and I sat back into my captain’s chair as I received the coordinates for the Sith ship. “Come on you dumbo, come out of hiding you rapscallion. Mama needs a ticket into the First Order base ship.” I muttered, looking every where for the dumb ship. “Come on!” I cried out, hitting my dashboard before seeing a small ship fly in front of me. “Sweet Jedi Hell yes!” I scream, catching up to the ship. “Come here you bastard!” I press the large green button to spring out my grabber and real in the ship. Once that had been accomplished I clapped my hands together in delight.  
Hacking to the ship’s mainframe, I found the coordinates of the First Order base ship and flew there as fast as my jets could go. Before making it too close to there base, I hacked into their communication lines. “Hello? Anyone for the First Order there?” I asked awkwardly, making myself comfortable atop my counter top. “Yes? Who is this?” A gruff voice said. “This is Raider, the bounty hunter. I’d just like to inform you that I’ve got your missing ship here, and I want to know where I should drop it off?” There was some shuffling sounds until the gruff voice said, “The hanger door will be open for you. Proceed to enter.”  
“Roger that.” I almost laughed as I pulled into their hanger. Covering my face with a brown cloth and goggles, in case of an ambush, I opened my door to look at the stuffed hanger. Waiting for me was a man with red hair, minorly tall in stature, and wearing full black. “Hello, you must be Raider?” He asked. “Yes, you must have been the man I originally talked to.” I say, placing my hand on my hip. “Um, yes, well would you mind taking off that repulsive face garment you currently have on? I assure you that this air is just as clean as the air you pump into your ship. Cleaner even.” I rolled my eyes before pushing my goggles up and the cloth covering my face down. “Better?” I ask smirking ever so slightly. “You’re a woman?” The ginger gasped out.  
“Surprised?” I asked, cocking up one eyebrow. “I called you with no modifier on, so this shouldn’t be that big of a surprise to you Ginggy.” He started to stutter out an excuse, but I held up a hand to stop his blubbering. “Save it. Just give me my money and you can have your ship.” He cleared his throat. “Right. If you’ll just follow me.” Stepping in toe with the man I followed him to a large conference room. “Wait here. My name is Hux by the way. If you find you need something, please, hesitate to ask.” With that, he shut me in the room.  
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” I mutter, taking out my blaster and standing on guard, waiting to be attacked. When the door opened and a trooper with a taser by his side, I knew this had to have been a trap. “Not today.” I growl, blasting the trooper. Sprinting down the unfamiliar hallway, I blast through multiple other troops till I make it to this rotunda of hallways and before I can even back a decision as which one I’ll take, they become filled with troopers. “Freeze! We have you surrounded.” Hux says, almost breathlessly. “I don’t think so.” I mutter, flushing out a wave of force, causing all the troops to fall.  
“Gotta run, gotta get out of here.” I chant to myself. “I can’t be trapped, not again!” I grit my teeth and run faster. “Halt!” A voice screams, and I feel a tug at my whole body. “No.” Is the only thought that crosses my mind as I gaze upon the person I’ve been hunting for almost three years now. Kylo Ren.  
He chuckles darkly as he approaches me. “No. Not again.” I whisper as he sweeps his hand over my face and I black out, again.


	3. The Dark Side Does NOT Offer Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get some witty banter and more angry Kylo! Haza!  
> (ps. I know this one is short!)

I hissed with pain as I turned my head. ‘Since when did my bed feel so cold and hard? Wait!’ I bolt away to find restraints on both my arms and legs. “I see you’re awake. That’s good. Makes this much more enjoyable for me.” Kylo Ren’s deep voice says. I glare daggers at him, but he only shrugs. “How about we start by having you tell me where you got this?” He says, lifting my lightsaber into view. “That’s mine! I demand that you give it back to me!” I pull against the restraint to try and reach out for it. Calming myself, I try to look him in the eyes, or where I think they would be. “You will remove my restraints and give me back my saber.” There was a long pause that lay between us before he gives a dark chuckle. “That was a nice try, but my helmet prevents any of mind games to reach me.” He steps closer so he's only mere inches away. “However, that doesn't mean I can't penetrate your mind.” I couldn't help but laugh at his word choice. “I'd rather you not use those words. They're so dirty.” I sneer, remembering the words of Ben.  
“You will hold your tongue wench.” Kylo growls, making me laugh. “Wench? Really? Is that what we’re going with? Man, how old are you, like sixty?” I laugh loudly. “You will be more respectful to me! Or I’ll-” The doors open revealing a trooper with silver armor. “Sir, you have been summoned.” A feminine voice says. Kylo huffs. “We are not done here. I will break you.” He whispers close to me ear. “Is that a threat or a promise?” I say with a laugh. He growls and stomps out of the room with the silver trooper as I continue to laugh.  
“Gee, I wonder what I’ll do while I wait?” I say to myself. “Hmm...” I start to hum to myself as I wait. “Hey! Shut up in there!” I voice calls from outside the door. “Come in and make me!” I call back. The door opened and a trooper entered. “Hey, how’s about you take off my restraints, huh?” I look deep into the mind of this trooper and without saying a word he does as I ask. “Good, now put yourself in the chair.” Again he does as I ask and I snap him into the chair. “Thanks, you’ve been such a lovely host.” I pat his head before leaving the room. I decide to follow the amout of intense screaming as I search for my lightsaber. “Master! You can’t be-”  
“Silence Kylo!” I turn the corner to see a large hallway and at the end of it is Kylo Ren talking to a holographic image. “She will be useful for us, so you will get her to our side, no matter what.” I smirk. So Kylo doesn’t want me here and I want him dead. So if I stay I’ll learn his weaknesses and then destroy him from the inside. Perfect. “You really don’t need to have this argument over me.” I say, coming closer to the two. “You! How did you get out?” Kylo growls. “I was betrayed by my Jedi master years ago, so I’ve lost my love for the light side.” I say, ignoring Kylo. I kneel down. “It would be an honor to serve you as my new master.” THe hologram huffs. “Kylo, you will return this girls saber and find her some more appropriate attire. She will be serving us from now on.” Kylo was going to interject but inted huffs and beckons me to follow him.  
“Would you wip that stupid smirk off your face?” Kylo growls as we head to my new room on his vessel. “Sorry, I can’t. And it’s not a smirk, it’s a smile, but I suppose you wouldn’t know that is would you? See when you’re happy-” He growls at me. “I know what a smile is you incompetent girl.” I laugh. “Really, what is with you and this old timey words? Do you think it makes you sound distinguished and important. Because it doesn’t.” I point out, balancing on the balls of my feet. “If you would just shut up maybe you wouldn’t have to hear me speak if it annoys you so much.” I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just keep talking and you can drown me out with your fancy helmet that you love so much.”  
He stops and nearly throws me into the room. “This is your room. You are not to come out until you are dress properly. I hope I don’t have to see you for the rest of the day, and I hope you have nightmares tonight. Goodbye.” He slammed the door shut and I was left alone in the cold room. I sigh as I wait for my ‘more suitable’ attire. Scanning the room, my eyes fell on a set of curtains. Pulling them back I saw the vast amount of star that surrounded the ship. I was so distracted that the door opening made me jump. “Excuse me miss.” It was that silver trooper from earlier. “I hope you find your accommodations suitable.” There was a snarky tone in her voice as she handed me the pile of close she had in her arms. “Well, I’ll say one thing. Kylo Ren is the worst host ever.”  
I gesture to my queen sized bed. “I mean, there’s not even a complimentary mint on my pillow.” I pretended to be upset as I cross my arms over my chest. The silver trooper just laughs. “Be that as it may. I am to be your escort, but orders of Kylo. So I’ll be posted outside your door if you need anything or feel the need to go anywhere.” I nod and she leaves. I quickly strip out of my clothes to put on my new ones. It was a black dress, red sleeves, a golden V-shaped belt attached to a red slip decorated with two imprinted rows of flowers. Once I had that on I slipped on the black, long, cut sleeved jacket that was held together by three golden clasps at my neck.  
“Oh yes, this is very suitable for a soon to be Sith queen attire.” I laugh to myself. “And yet.” I look myself up and down in the full length mirror. I narrow my eyes as I take out the bun in my hair, leaving the headband styled braid. Some thick strand of hair framed my face as the back length hair was freed. “Ah, much better.” I smile at myself. I couldn’t hold back my giggles as I thought about how I was going to pull the rug from under Kylo’s entire world. The image of ripping off his helmet as I plug my saber into his chest gave me shivers.  
“Ma’am?” The silver trooper peaked her head in and I had to cease my laughter. “Yes?” My irritation clearly evident. “I was told to ask if you’d like to join us higher ups for dinner. If you decline I’ll bring your food to you, but I’ll have to eat with you.” I placed a finger to my bottom lip. “I suppose I should make a good first impression to my peers.” I say mostly to myself. “Alright. Lead on... uh.” It was then that I realized I didn’t even know her name. “Phasma, ma’am.”  
“Well, Phasma, we mustn't make them wait any longer than we already have.” I say, pushing her out the door to lead me to our next destination. When the dining halls doors opened, I saw an array of faces. Dinner was surely going to be....


	4. Go Away... I Have Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really late and this is really short  
> Still love you though!

BORING! That’s really the best word for this sad excuse for a dinner. Literally it was mostly Ginggy and Kylo subtly (but not really) arguing with each other. And it didn’t help that I was sitting in between them. “So,” I finally say, breaking up the twos childish fight. “You didn’t return my lightsaber with my new clothes. I was wondering when you’d be returning that to me.” Kylo looks down at me and scoffs. “You will get your saber when I say you do.” I grip my hands into fists. “But that’s not fair.” I try to sound unirritated by his statement, but he just made my blood boil further by saying, “Ah, yes, but nothing is fair, and as the commander of this vessel, I say, you get it when you get it.” I glare at him and then look at his silverware. Using very little force I fling his whole set into the air and onto him. “You, sir, are a nasocystic prick!” I yell before storming out of the room.  
Stopping down the hall I stop at my door and practical crush it from the raging force I was emanating. “I hate him so much. I hope the dark side crushes him so he’ll spin into madness and then he’ll just destroy himself and then I’ll never see him again.” I growl, putting on my night gown. Before I could flop onto the soft looking bed, a hard knock came at me door. I open it and snap, “What?” I glare at Phasma. “I came to make sure you were alright.” She said. “Well, I ‘m fine. Now leave.” I tried to shut the door, but she pushed her way in. “Miss Marida, I must insist that you tell me what’s going on. You may not like me but I have been assigned to you, and for as long as I’m here you will have to put up with me. So tell me what’s going on between you and Kylo.” I sigh and walk over to the tea maker on a nearby counter.  
“I first met Kylo when I was very young.” I say, pouring some tea for Phasma and I. I dropped some honey into my cup and asked, “Sugar or honey?” Phasma paused to take off her helmet. Her sharp features and blonde hair somehow put me at ease. “I’ll take mine with both, please.” I nod as I prepare both drinks. “Anyways,” I say, setting the cups on a small table. I gesture for her to sit and she does. “I was originally under the watch of Luke Skywalker himself, but,” I take a sip of my tea. I wasn't his only student. He has a sister named Leia, who has-had a son named Ben.” I try to hold back tears. “I loved Ben more than I could possibly say. Not at first, I mean, we had our disputes but that's what we kids do, right?” I sigh and trace the rim of my cup. “Anyways, he was my first kiss, and even if he was a total hothead, I loved him. But know he's dead because Kylo raided our camp and killed Ben. I never saw the body, but Kylo seemed so proud to have told me about his death. Stars almighty!” I slam a fist onto the table and Phasma didn't even flinch. “I don't trust the light because they abandoned me but I don't think I can trust Ben’s killer either.” Phasma took a long sip of her tea.  
I think, tomorrow, you and I should peruse the ship. See what you're good at, because we both know Kylo won't allow you near you saber before you prove your usefulness in some other Felix. So, any ideas?” I shrug. “Well then, sleep on it. I'll be back to wake you in the morning.” She stood, put her helmet back on her head and started to walk away but I called to her to stop. “Um, if I may, can I tell you something that I'd really rather stay between us?” Phasma nod. “Before I was a bounty hunter, and after I was abandoned by the light, I was sold into slavery. And, I have some scars from that, I thought I'd warn you, so you'd know that that's a touchy subject for me. And, I want to trust you, Phasma, I really do. Please say you'll keep this a secret from the others.”  
“You have my word, Marida. Now please, rest, I'll see you in the morning.” I nod and cuddle under my sheets. Having Phasma was starting to feel like having a mother or a strong older sister. “Goodnight World.” I say with a giggle.


	5. The Phasma, The Hux, and The Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marida has to put up with so much stupidity is this....

“Wake up.” A strong voice calls. “Wake up you wench.” I feel a sharp pain on my cheek as my eyes slowly open. “Good, you’re awake.” I sit up and look at Kylo’s long frame. “What could you possibly want.” I say, to sleepy to really fight back yet. “Phasma called me. You were screaming in your sleep, and she needed help restraining you.” I gingerly touch my stinging cheek. “And the slap was necessary why?” He stiffens. “After we retrained you, you passed out and nearly stopped breathing. Phasma left me with you and I didn’t know any other way to keep you awake.” I sigh. “Well, slapping is not the best course of action, but I'm grateful you did that instead of mouth to mouth.” I try cackling a smile, but the sting from his slap is too strong.

“Yes, I suppose it was for the best. I'll tell Phasma you've woken up and are stable. Goodbye.” He turns on his heel and exits my room like Jar Jar Binks was on his tail. I sigh and start to get dressed. “Dumb Kylo.” I mutter, slipping on the last of my outfit. “Miss Marida?” Phasma’s voice calls to me from behind my door. “Yes? You can come in. I’m decent.” I call back, opening my door. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” Phasma grabs me into a hug. Awkwardly, I pat her back and she pulls me out of my room and down the hall. “Wait, where are we going?”

“I’ve found a place for you to work until you get your lightsaber back.” She opens a door and took me inside. “Welcome to the Medical Bay.” She says. “You must be joking.” I mutter. “Oh, I assure you, this is no joke. We decided that this, with its, more or less, calm demeanor would serve you well.” I cross my arms. “I don’t have to wear a skimpy nurse's outfit do I?” Phasma laughs. “Of course not. But there is an outfit. We thought it proper for you to have something more lightweight for you to wear.” She opens a door to reveal my new dress. It was solid black velvet, with flowy sleeves that were red on the inside. There was a split in the middle with red under that as well. Silver bands were around the elbows and waist. It mirrored something of a princess’ attire.

“Do I have to wear this?” I ask, crossing my arms. “It comes in reverse colors, but yes, this is the outfit a nurse must wear on this ship. Be glad you don’t have to wear the personal nurse's outfit.” I sigh, taking the dress from her hands. “Sure, fine. Just leave so I can change.” Phasma bowed and left me to change. Once the velvet garment was snug on my body, I noticed how low cut it was. I also noticed it had a hood on the back. I suppose all Sith clothes must have that stupid hood on them.

“Marida.” Kylo’s voice causes me to flinch out of my thoughts. “Yes?” I try to hold the scorn out of my voice, considering he was now ‘technically’ my master. “I see you’ve found your new post. I’ve come to remind you that after your shift here, you are to meet me in the training quarters for your training. Phasma knows where that is. She’ll show you.” He fell silent, making me think he had more to say, but he just stood there, saying absolutely nothing. “Well, I best be off to start my shift.” I say, turning away, but he stops me by saying, “That dress looks nice on you. Your old attire made you look to much like a man.”

I scoff in confusion and astonishment. “Thank you, I suppose, Master.” The name falls so easily from my lips it’s almost sinful. I can tell Kylo senses that as well and I can feel a smirk play on his unseen face. “I’ll see you soon.” He says, before leaving. “Stars almighty, he seems to always be in a rush to get away from me.” I sigh as my first patient comes through the chrome colored doors. “Hello again General.” I say sarcastically. “Yes, hello Miss Marida.” He says as he sits on our medical cot. “What seems to be troubling you today?” I ask, looking at a chart of medical records. “I hit my head and got a bad cut.” He says, lifting so hair to show me the bleeding cut. It was small but if left open could cause an infection.

“I’ll get you some wrappings.” I say turning to the medical supply cabinets near by. “You know, I think Kylo was very out of line in his decision to not give you your lightsaber.” He says. I roll my eyes. “Well thank you, but it shouldn’t take long for me to earn it back.” I dab some antiseptic on a cotton ball as I approach him. “I understand that I but I just think that a beautiful girl like yourself should-OUCH!” I press the antiseptic cotton ball on his forehead, causing him to wail in pain. I did it on purpose of course. I didn’t have time to mess with stupid flirts that didn’t know their place. “Opps, my bad.” I say, setting the now blood stained ball aside. “I hope that didn’t hurt to much.” I smile as I put the bandage on his head. “Ah, no, of course not. Thank you for the aid, Miss Marida. I hope to see you at dinner. Good day.” I couldn’t help but laugh after he left.

“Men can be such babies.” I sigh as I place my hands on my hips. I went through six other patients before my shift ended. “Marida, it’s time for your training with Kylo.” Phasma says as I bandage up the last trooper. Cleaning the blood off my hands, and not bothering to change, I follow her to a large rotunda with nothing but metal bars and a single Kylo Ren standing in the center. “So, do I get to swing my saber around yet?” I ask, stepping closer to him. “Absolutely not. Today, I get to look inside your mind, and you have to push me out.” He takes a step closer to me, like a challenge. “You proved that you were able to manipulate one of my troopers, I want to see how far your power runs.”

“Bring it on.” I fight a smirk, but it instantly drops when I feel his presence in my mind. He forces memories to the surface. Not bad ones, but just arbitrary ones, like the ride to my training planet with Luke, and the day I made my lightsaber. I try to push back and seems to recede, but just when I think I have him on the ropes of my mind, he forces everything into me. I wasn't prepared for this and everything I never really wanted to remember came back to me. Especially after Luke dropped me back on my home world and my capture into slavery. I fall to my knees, clutching my head, trying force him out. Then, he got to my memories of Ben.

“No! Stop!” I scream, forcing myself to my feet and kicking him in his waist. He detaches from my mind. “You-” He sputters out but I cut him off. “You sick son of a- how dare you go that deep into my mind!” I feel like crying, but won’t, I can’t give him that kind of satisfaction. “I remember you. You’re that girl from Skywalker’s island.” I glare at him. “Yeah, and you’re the murder that killed the love of my life. What of it?” I growl and start to make my way to the exit. Just before I pass the threshold I turn back. “Just remember how high you’ve set the bar. Because next time, I’m coming after your mind.” With that, I leave him to know he’s training the girl who wants him dead, to kill.

“Marida, are you alright?” Phasma asks, rushing towards me. “We heard a commotion.” I shook my head. “Well I-” Suddenly a large, enraged yell filled the hallway. I turn to see a glowing red light coming from the room I was just in. “Oh no. He’s at it again. BN-1621, take her to her quarters. I’ll deal with Kylo.” The trooper nods and starts to take me back to my room, but I can’t get the thought of Kylo ripping away at the walls out of my head.

“Please stay here, ma’am. Captain Phasma will come to see you soon.” I nod mindlessly and sit on my bed. I fall back on it and sigh. Pulling all the pins out of my hair I let it fall to my back and sit in front of my vanity. Grabbing my brush I start to untangle the mess that is my hair. ‘Why was Kylo so angry after I left? Shouldn’t I be the one to be throwing a fit?’ Thoughts of confusion swirl through my mind. However, the most haunting thought was, ‘Why do I feel this pull to him?’


	6. Kylo Ren Has A Heart?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know these are short! Shut up! I hear your judgement and it is not welcome here!  
> But I hope you like this <3

I had a dreamless sleep when I heard a knock on my door. Raising my head off my vanity, I catch a look at my tear stained face and sigh. Plopping some makeup on my face to hide the tears, a harder knock comes at my door. I stand slowly and make my way to the door. Before I could even think of opening it, it flung open to reveal a fuming Kylo in front of me. “Why did you not answer me?” He asks, his leather gloved hands gripped into fists. I try to make it look like I wasn’t totally afraid of him killing me and rub my eyes. “I was asleep.” I state.

“In your uniform?” I look down to see that I had in fact slept in my nursing uniform. “It’s comfy.” He stomped his foot. “Can you say anything more than three words?!” I shrug. “Give me an hour and a cup of tea and then I’ll let you know.” I try to shut the door but Kylo forces it back open and steps in, getting way too close for my liking. “Don’t you dare disrespect me Mari. I will not have it!” He points a finger in my confused face. “D-did you just call me Mari?” Kylo stiffened. “Of-of course not, you-you- wench!” His stutter made me want to giggle. “Uh-huh. And what is your purpose here?” I fake a gasp. “Could it be that the horrifying Kylo Ren has a heart and was worried about me?” He turns his head away and grips his fists tighter.

“Here.” He reaches behind himself and drops my saber hilt onto my bed. “Your mind may be weak, but I suspect you can fight, so you may have your saber back. I won’t be training you to fight, or force you to hone your mind tricks. It’s entirely up to you if you’d like to stay my apprentice.” I was speechless. I pick up my saber and think of Kylo’s offer. “Yes.” I say. “What?” Kylo looks at me in, what I’d assumed was, confusion. “I’ll stay your apprentice, but only if you respect my boundries. If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I will kill you.” I push my saber into his chest. “And I will earn my saber. I’m not just going to take it as a pitty gift. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have patients to tend to.”

As I pass his, he grabs my arm. “If you are to stay by my side, you are not to go near General Hux. Do you understand?” I feel a small smile pull on the edges of my lips. “Sure, but only if he’s not a patient.” He squeezes a little harder. “Even if he is a patient, send him to a different nurse. I don’t want you anywhere near him. Do you understand?” He punctuated every word in his question. I sigh. “Of course.” He lets go of my arm at my answer. I pause and then smirk a little. “Master.” I swish my hair back and then walk out of my room, towards the Medical Bay.

 

“He likes you.” Phasma told me after I’d explained my encounter with Kylo earlier. I nearly choked on the tea I was holding. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s not even remotely close to correct. Besides, it’s not like I’d ever like him back. He killed Ben for Yoda’s sake!” Phasma shakes her head. “You don’t get it. That doesn’t matter to him. If Kylo wants something he’ll try anything to get it.” I roll my eyes. “Please, the only thing that man understands in how to throw temper tantrums and swing his saber around.” Phasma giggles. “Then why was he so assertive on having you not see Hux, hm?” I try to think of a witty comeback but it comes out as stutters instead. “Oh my- fine! Maybe he likes me, but I don’t like him. End of discussion.” I cross my arms and Phasma shakes her head with a smile on her face. “Alright.” She stands. “I won’t force you into anything but we’re all going out to Jakku to find a piece of the map to Luke Skywalker, if you’re interested.” With that, she leaves me. Alone. In my room. Slowly taking in everything she’s just told me.

Kylo Ren has a crush on me. Kylo Ren, the murder of the love of my life, has a crush. On me. Oh dear Jabba I need help with this one.


	7. The Force is Waking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We start to get into the moive!

The ship jostled a bit as we entered Jakku’s atmosphere. My grip tightened on my regained lightsaber hilt. Kylo said that this was my test. If I could use this well and prove that I was with him, I’d get to keep my saber and earn his trust. “Are you ready?” Phasma asks. Her voice once again distorted from her helmet. “Absolutely not.” I look at her with worry. “I don’t wanna hurt anyone.” She put her hand on my shoulder. “Then stay behind me and only take out your saber if you absolutely have to. Use the force otherwise.” I nod. I turn away from her to look forward at Kylo, who stands at the front. He stands tall, but I can feel that he’s having doubts about this.

“Don’t doubt yourself Kylo.” I say in his head. He turns towards me and nods slightly. The ship lands with a small poofing sound and the bay doors open up. I get a whiff of nostalgia when I look at the sandy place known as Jakku. One, because of the hot sand and two, because of the burning building and screaming. Ah yes, just like home. However, Kylo takes no time in rounding every citizen up in his quest in finding his prey. Suddenly, I see a man, scrambling to his ship. “Catch him.” I say as calmly as I can to the stormtroopers at my sides.

The troopers immediately shoot his ship, making it unable to fly away from this planet. He fights back but has to hope out. He lifts his gun and aims. Just as I’m about to turn my saber on the blast stops three inches from my chest. I turn and sure enough, there’s Kylo, holding his hand out and forcing the blast to stop. I huff and step away from the light. The man is brought to his knees in front of Kylo. There’s a rebellious glint in his eye that reminds me of Ben and I have to look away. “Is she your girlfriend or something? Because I think she likes me.” I hear the pilot say. I turn to scold the man but Kylo beats me to it. “You will hold your tongue before I cut it out.” I get chills as I hear his robotic voice speak.

“Get him on the ship for further interrogation.” The man is hoisted up and he winks as he passes me. “Sir, what of the others?” Phasma asks. “Kill them.” Kylo’s voice was cold and lifeless, as usual. I look over the horrified faces of the villagers, and then a little stormtrooper catches my eye. He has a bloody hand print of his helmet and when Phasma says to fire, he doesn’t. Even with the mask on I can tell he’s scared, terrified even. That’s when I too turn away from the slaughter and make my way back to the ship. I grip my saber like it’s the last thing I’ll ever hold. And, for all I know, it very well could be.

 

“TELL ME WHERE YOU’RE HIDING!” I hear Kylo yell. I sigh as I stand next to the stormtrooper from Jakku who wouldn’t shoot(I don’t think I’ll ever remember any of their names). “Gosh, it’s a real shame.” I say, taking a sip of my tea. “What is?” He asks. “Well, that guy we’ve got in interrogation is one of the best pilots in the whole resistance. It’s a shame he’ll probably die in there.” The trooper tenses. “Did you say pilot?” I nod. “Oh yea. Could probably fly one of our TIE fighters, no problem.” He huffs and I place my empty cup down, knowing my plan was about to soar into motion. “Think I should start my rounds at the Medical bay.” I say with a smile.

Not long after, while I’m heading to have lunch with Phasma no less, I hear the distinct sound of an angry Kylo. “Change out of those infernal clothes. If they leave that planet's surface we need to be ready.” He says through his teeth. I nod and turn so he can’t see the big smile on my face. I was so happy, I started to hum a tune that Luke used to sing to me when the horrid storms would pass over the island. “You seem happy.” I slightly flinch when I turn towards the general’s voice. “Well, ya know, escapists means more fighting, and I suppose I didn’t get enough earlier.” I laugh awkwardly. “Oh, do I scare you my dear?” He took a step closer to me and I take a step back. “Master Kylo says I am not to be near you. I must go now.” I try to escape, but he stops me. “Why the rush. And Kylo isn’t here. Surely a few moments wouldn't hurt?” I try to stutter out an answer, but his prosimity to me is suffocating. I shut my eyes and Force push him away before making a sprint for it.

I’m breathing heavily by the time I meet up with Phasma. “Oh my stars. You look horrid. What happened?” Phasma asks, setting me into a chair. “I-” I look up in pure horror. “I don’t know. Hux was talking to me and Kylo had said for me to stay away from him, but he kept persisting and I just-” I clutch my head in my hands. “I just pushed him into a way. Not normal push but like full Force push.” Phasma nods and slides me a sandwhich. “Worry not Mari. The general and Kylo will be occupied for a time because of the escapists, so just recuperate in your room till things settle down.” I sigh and nod. “You’re right. You’re... always... righ-” My eyes grew heavy and suddenly my head drops and I drift off to sleep.


	8. It's Not A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually happy on how this came out

“Wake her up!” A harsh voice says. “We can’t force her away, or she might die.” Another voice says. “Then wake her up faster!” I groan and try to sit up, but my head hurts to much. “Sir, she waking up.” That was Phasma’s voice. “Wha-” I cough harshly as I open my eyes. “What happened?” I look around the room to find Phasma by my side, Kylo arguing with a nurse, and the head doctor looking at my charts. “Am in limbo?” I ask, making the doctor laugh. “No, you just exasperated your Force when you sent the general flying.” The doctor says. “I told you to stay away from him.” Kylo speeds to my side and gets obnoxiously close to my face. But it’s different than when Hux was this close. Even with his harsh tone, he calms me in a strange way.

“I’m sorry...Master.” I say in(what I hope was) an innocent voice. Kylo backs up a bit. “Well... Don’t you dare go near him again. I’ll be having a talk with him as well.” He stands up straight and clears his thought. “Can you stand?” I try to move my legs but the tingle harshly. “No. They’re asleep. I should be good in-” Before I could finish my sentence Kylo sweeps me off my feet, quite literally. “W-what are you doing?!” I stuttered out, trying to push out of his arms. “Stop squirming or I will drop you.” He warns and I calm down, clasping my hands at my chest, not wanting them anywhere that could be seen as intimate.

“Better, now you will stay like this until I’ve located the droid that we seek. Do you understand me?” He asks as he carries me to my room. “Yes.” I say softly. He grips my side and thigh a little tighter. “Yes, what?” I can even begin to think of meeting his gaze when I say, “Yes Master Ren.” He nods in approval as he opens my door and drops me on my bed. “Don’t leave this room until you can walk on your own. I’ll be back after my council with Supreme Leader Snok is over.” I cross my arms over my chest as I sit up in the bed. “I’m not a pet.” I say. “You can’t just tell me these small detail and expect me to not be curious.”

“Curiosity kills cats.” He threatens. “Yeah, but satisfaction brought it back.” I say, frowning. “Enough of this childish banter. You will stay here. End of discussion.” He turns abruptly and storms out my door, leaving me with an increasing frown on my face. “Childish banter? He’s the one who started it.” I flop back onto my bed so I’m staring at the ceiling. I close my eyes, and slowly nod off, but suddenly, thoughts of Kylo cross me mine and my eyes jolt open. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I curse under my breath and hop off the bed. Seeing as how my legs are almost fully recovered, I leave my room and stumble down the hall. I couldn’t stay in a place that he’d put me in. I needed to talk to someone. Anyone really.

“The girl has boarded a ship.” I hear a voice say. I freeze as the sudden realization of where I was caught up to me. I wedge myself into a corner, quickly hiding from any troopers, but I could still hear Snok and Kylo talking. “The ship that belonged to your father, Han Solo.” Han Solo? Han Solo. How do I know that name? It pledged my mind for a moment until it dawned on me. I gasp and clasp my hand over my face. I watch Kylo leave the room and I wiggle out of my hiding place. “Is it true?” I ask, my hands clenched into fists. Kylo freezes and slowly turns. “Is what true?” I clench my jaw and try to hold back my angry tears. “You know full well what I’m talking about.” I want to match right up to him and slap him or maybe kiss him if I feel like it. “Take it off.” My voice wavers for a moment and I look away from him. “I can’t do that. Not here.” I silently grab his hand and drag him into the closest, empty room. “Take it off.” I say again.

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” He asks, not budging an inch in the way I want him too. “I think I’ll see the man who murdered the one I loved. Unless you’re him and are to afraid to face the monstrosity you’ve become, Ben.” I suddenly feel a tight pressure surrounding my neck and I gasp for air. “You will not speak that name in my presence!” I can feel the heat of his gaze though his helmet. “S-so i-it’s true. Y-you're B-Ben Solo.” I felt tears stream down my face as I started laughing. “St-stop that. Why are you laughing.” He seems taken aback by my antics but I couldn’t help but smile. “I-I can’t believe I ne-never saw it. Three letter changes and Kylo Ren becomes Ben Solo.” It was now that it was hard to tell if I was crying or if I was laughing or perhaps a mix of both. “I-I can’t believe it.” The pressure on my neck lessens as I reach my hand out and touch his helmeted cheek. “I love Ben Solo. And if there is even a shred of him left in you, then I’ll wait for it.” I stand on my tip toes and where his lips would be.

Before he or I could say anything else, I bolt out of the room and back to my room, with both glee and anguish circling around me. I was happy that Ben was alive, but he was also a space overlord, hell bent on killing just about everything. “Stars almighty I’m in deep tantan droppings.” I sigh out, reaching my door. “Miss Marida!” Phasma voice rings in the hall and into my ears. I turn to see her, with a few other troopers following close behind, race towards me. “Miss we need you to come with us.” She says. “Where are we going?” I ask. “To Commander Ren’s personal ship. We’re leaving to find the droid.” I scrunch up my nose at the sound of Ren’s name, now knowing that it really wasn’t his. “No thank you. I like where I am, thank you very much.” I turn and open my door. “Miss,” A trooper behind Phasma speaks. “This location is no longer safe for you. Commander Ren said so himself.” My cheeks flushed. Ben had ordered for my safety? Impossible.

“Thank you, but if he wants me to go with him than he can come get me himself. Now I really must change. Good day.” I shut the door and reach for a new dress to wear. This one was also red and floor length, a black corset at the top and a black floral mesh pattern over the red. I dawn the gown and, as I reach back to attempt to tie the corset, my door burst open. I nearly scream as Ben slams the door shut and marches over to me. “You insubordinate girl.” He growls out. He grasps my wrist and pulls me closer to him. “Your Ben is dead and from the ashes I rose so you’ll have to come to terms with that.” I was hardly concentrating on his words as I tried to keep the corset up. “That’s all fine and dandy, but could you please let me go so I can get my dress on.” He looks me up and down for a moment before saying, “Turn around.” I do as I’m told and I hear a hissing sound, like pipes leaking air. “Don’t turn back around until I tell you to.” His voice was unmasked and it gave me chills as I nodded, pushing my hair out of the way.

I gasped as he pulled harshly on the strings. “Stay still. I promise not to hurt you.” His hot breath hit my exposed neck and I gave an involuntary whimper. Stars almighty, the things this boy, no, man now, could do to me. “There, you can turn to face me now.” I slowly turn, almost frightened of what I might see. His hair was still annoyingly long and pitch back colored, like his eyes, and all I wanted to do in that moment was trace his beauty marks that coated his pale skin like constellations. “You’re taller than me.” I whisper, having to practically crane my neck to meet his gaze. “I can fix that.” He says before swiftly picking me up and positioning me on my thick window sill. Before I can ask what he’s doing, he scoops me into a kiss. I wrap my arms around his neck and nearly pass out when he glides his tongue into my mouth. We part far too early for my liking but he looks like he has something to say, so I let him speak.

“I can never be you Ben again, but I can be you Kylo. If you’ll have me.” His puppy dog like eyes are too irresistible for me and I plunge us into another kiss. “We need to get to my ship.” He says when we part again. “We can reconvene this in my quarters there.” My cheeks flare up. Oh yes, I could get used to this.


End file.
